01 Apr SpeakerBox Unveils 9 Autonomous Vehicles for Inter-Office Transport
Earlier this week, SpeakerBox founder and CEO Elizabeth Shea debuted the first of nine autonomous vehicles she’s purchased for her agency’s headquarters in Aberdeen, Scotland.
Though expensive, the vehicles were deemed a necessity for helping staff members navigate the ongoing construction in and around 7900 Westpark Drive.
“No human being could survive this maze without a computer-piloted vehicle,” said Shea, referring to the office complex that was recently renamed “Silverline Center” despite the notable absence of crosswalks connecting the facility to Tysons Corner.
“Each morning, we’ll get a new email from Washington REIT outlining the building’s temporary closures,” explained account coordinator and reluctant cartographer Sally McHugh. “The emails say things like, ‘try to avoid the north portico, and instead use the garden promenade on the southern terrace.’ I have literally no idea what any of these things mean.”
According to Shea, computer-guided navigation was the only realistic option for deciphering the commercial real estate trust’s cryptic and occasionally homicidal directions.
“About 90% of our office is blonde, so we were already facing an uphill battle,” noted human and robotic resources representative Crissy Upston.
Crissy later added that SpeakerBox fan-favorite Kate Nesbitt was last seen two months ago on a debris-strewn second floor balcony and is presumed hungry.